The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
Marriage should be based on love, right? But does it seem as though you and your spouse are speaking two different languages?
-Paul spent three hours building a bookshelf for Marcie. All she wanted was 10 minutes to talk.
-Carol bought Dylan a brand new set of golf clubs. He wondered why she didn’t sign the birthday card.
-Ryan gave Jennifer a hug and a kiss. She frowned at the pile of dirty dishes.All too often, couples fail to express their love – they try, but they’re speaking different languages. This can lead to frustration, resentment, hurt feelings, and a strained relationship. Fortunately, saying and hearing “I love you” doesn’t have to be that hard.
from “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts,” by Gary Chapman
Millions of people have learned better communication through The 5 Love Languages, the New York Times bestseller by Dr. Gary Chapman. The idea behind The 5 Love Languages is that people communicate and feel love in different ways. Specifically, he identified five categories to highlight how people understand and give love, and while we need all the love languages, there is usually one that really speaks to each of us.
The 5 Love Languages
- Physical Touch – This person feels love when others touch them lovingly (in an appropriate setting). It is important to learn how the person speaks the physical touch language as some touches are irritating and uncomfortable while others are esteeming and loving.
- Acts of Service – This person feels love when others help or serve them. It is important that these acts are done out of consideration and not obligation.
- Words of Affirmation – This person feels love when others verbally approve or affirm them. Encouragement is also welcome here.
- Quality Time – This person feels love when others spend time with them. This is more than just about proximity – it’s about giving your time and attention to the other person without interruption.
- Gifts – This person feels love when others give them thoughtful things. This is not driven by how much a gift costs, but is more a visual symbol of your love and respect.
In the book, Gary shares the stories of countless couples who have left the “honeymoon high” and how they have used The 5 Love Languages to improve how they relate to one another. In some instances, couples who have been together nearly 30 years had only just learned what each other’s primary love language was! By taking the time to identify your love language and that of your significant other, you can help to fill each other’s “love tank” more effectively and build a stronger relationship for years to come.